The Truth Always Wins

"Truth" is another term that has become overused and diluted by Ego. If we think we know the "truth", then we (Ego) feels the need to convince everyone around us that they must agree with our version, or they are wrong. This baffles me, time and time again: Why is your version of the truth the only one? What level of arrogance pulls you to this conclusion, that you are the end of the line on any information? We don't need to make everyone else wrong in order for us to be right. 

Every Perception is Valid 

I prefer to look at it like this: MY version of the truth is valid.......as is yours, his, hers, and theirs. Perception is the name of the game in this scenario. If you can truly realize that everyone's perception is 100% valid, you can let go of that part of your Ego which traps you every time. If you are a teacher, speaker, or other kind of information dispenser, you will find yourself in situations where many people want to hear what you have to say, and you may get a lot of people to agree with your perception. However, there is always going to be at least one person who raises questions, and challenges your beliefs and information. This is such a great opportunity for you to grow and shift, if you choose to take it that way. 

Your Beliefs Are Your Own

You are allowed to believe and think whatever you choose for your reality. Let's not confuse your opinion as fact, however. The cool thing about this concept is that is frees you, and everyone else, of needing others to validate your inner truth. You are the only one who can validate this for yourself, and even of you do get a few people (usually your friends) to agree with you, it isn't really true until YOU believe it. What if you had a belief that a group of people were "out to get you"? You might choose to go around and tell your friends how you are being targeted energetically, and these people are terrible, and so on. Pretty soon, you have spread this belief all over the place, and even though this group may or may not be "after you", you have created a vibe of mistrust and even the expectation that you are a target. This is energetic suicide, and all you have to do to change it, is to change your filter, and shift your belief. What if you went all over town with the belief that everyone loves you and accepts you just as you are? What kind of vibe do you think you would create with that? 

You choose your own reality, and if you can truly embrace that concept, you are limitless in your power to create the life that you desire! Today, create awareness around a limiting belief that you may have, and experiment with a new thought pattern, in the name of changing your Truth. It may be painful at first, as all new patterns tend to have an uncomfortable air about them at first, but you will get the hang of it, in due time. 

For more information and to learn energetic tools that will help you shift your limiting beliefs, email me or check out the video on my Home page. 

Dreaming in 5D: Messages from My Father

My father came to me in a dream last night. I was meeting my family to have dinner, and suddenly, I looked around and my father was next to me, vibrant, healthy, and happy. He smiled at me, with no trace of the Parkinson's that had crippled him for his last decade of life, and he took my hand as we walked along. He joked with me, like we used to do all the time, and then, he handed me a pair of glasses, telling me, "Put these on, you will see things differently." I did, and as I looked around through these glasses, I saw lights and colors on everything, it was as though the world had come alive in a whole new way. I took them off and handed them back to him, but he urged me to keep them. "Put them on when you are feeling discouraged", he said, and I tucked them away for safekeeping. I then turned to look at him again and said, "How are you here? You......died. I saw you in the casket, and they buried your body." He smiled at me and said nothing, just continued to walk alongside me. I saw my brother and sister in law ahead, and I called to them "Hey, wait up!" As I hurried to join them, my father disappeared, and I suddenly realized, I am the only one who saw him. I had wondered why no one else tried to talk to him, and I finally understood: He had only come to me. 

I have many prophetic dreams, and they always contain information that I must decipher. In the recent weeks, since my father's passing, I have had many, and have acted on them, for I have learned that this is my map for life. Time and time again, I have watched my dreams come to pass in this world we call "reality", and while others have dismissed them as simply dreams, I know better. In this reality, my father and I had lots of trouble communicating. In my dreams, it is easy, and I feel that our relationship will be stronger and more beneficial for both of us, in this 5D reality. 

I am stronger and more resilient with each day that passes, and even though I do feel sadness sometimes, and miss being able to hold my Father's hand, or see his smile, I still feel very connected to his spirit, which is so beautiful and free now. A few days ago, I was struggling to see the positive energy, and I saw a double rainbow right in front of me. It was so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes, and I knew it was a message of encouragement. The next day, I saw TWO double rainbows, and I was overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciation for the opportunity to recognize my own inner brilliance and joy, once again. 

“In Chinese culture red is symbolic of the feet and violet represents the head. So a Primary Rainbow can be seen to illustrate a human descending from heaven. As stated before, the secondary arc in a Double Rainbow has reversed colors so, since the red is on the bottom and the violet is on top, the human figure is ascending from the material earth to the spiritual heaven. Therefore seeing a Double Rainbow is considered a very auspicious occasion and a reason for reflection and meditation.” 

Life is all about shifting, and being open to new information. It doesn't make your prior experiences invalid, it just makes them no longer relevant. You learn the lessons, and you move on. That is the 2018 reality. Being present is the most important tool you can have in today's climate of chaos. 

To learn more about this important energetic tool, email me, or book an appointment. Together, we can navigate these new energies, and you can start to live the life you truly want to create for yourself.  

You can run, but you can't hide....from your life lessons

It's 8 a.m. and the neghbor's dog is barking....AGAIN. I went to bed last night with the ringing in my ears, and woke up to the same sound. It makes me want to scream. After 10 years of dealing with this, and having the woman come over and assualt me verbally in front of my 6 year old child, I just have to give this up to a higher power. Lately, I have been asking myself, "What is my lesson here?" There is no logical solution, as I have called animal control countless times, and even been to mediation, where I was assured it would be dealt with. 

I have realized this is a pattern, and it echoes a dynamic in my family situation, where they treat me in a very passive aggressive manner, and as soon as I set a boundary, I am "out of control" and "a problem." I have recently realized that this is also considered socipathic behavior, or "gas lighting."  I moved as far away as I could to escape this dynamic, and guess what? It followed me, and now I have these neighbors who mirror the exact same situation. I created the same set of problems because I still attract that energy. I am a magnet for sociopathic behavior. NOT what I want!

Has this ever happened to you? Do you often wonder why you keep ending up with the same versions of a different relationship? Do you despair that there are "no good men/women out there?" It's all about energy, and what you are attracting. Other energetic beings (dogs, people, etc.) are attracted to what you are projecting, and you all enter into an agreement of sorts, to play these roles in each other's lives. If you can shift your perspective, and neutralize what you are putting out, you can change the entire dynamic. It's easy to blame others and play the role of victim, but this will never get you out of it. You have to change the way you process it in your mind. 

In this case, it has been baby steps, but I am finally to the point where I am not scared of them. I have realized that they are just playing the role that I needed them to so that I could process how I am treated in my family. For a long time, I have been afraid of them, and sought their approval on some level. I am finally realizing that the only approval rating that matters, is my own. When I begin to love myself, these things just "magically" shift all around me. I am not scared to speak up and tell my story, because the threat of having no relationship with them is removed. I ALREADY have no relationship with them; even worse, the relationship causes me pain and drama continually, so why do I even want it? I have bent over backwards to gain their love and approval and been met with nothing but hostility and drama. I am saying ENOUGH. It is time to move into the space of truth and love. I am not angry; rather, I am loving myself and having compassion for them. I do not condone the behavior, but I also do not need to continue to participate in it. My behavior has not been in my truth, and that needs to stop. I can't keep reacting; rather, I have to disengage. And THAT is where I ultimately find my peace. 

Your behavior has to stand alone. When you use other's bad behavior to measure your own, you know you are in a reactive state. Just because they created the drama doesn't mean you have to jump in. One of the most common ways we get sucked in, is defending ourselves. When you start to feel like you have to "prove they are wrong," you are buying a losing ticket. You will NEVER win that one. Believe in yourself and what others think is irrelevant. 

If you would like help in moving the energy that is holding you hostage, reach out! I can help you. Email me for available times and special rates. 

Are you settling?

Even though you may not want to admit it, you are probably "settling" on some level with something in your life. Settling occurs when you accept something less than what you really want, because you don't believe you can have it. Think about your relationship for a minute. Is it everything you want? Or, have you settled into it, and you're comfortable, so you stay? An easy way to flush this out is to ask yourself, "If I could have anyone, or any relationship, in the world, who would it be with?" If the answer is anyone other than who you are with, you are settling. This may seem harsh, but it is actually kinder to release someone from their obligation to you, than to keep them around, stuck with you in a relationship that isn't their ultimate destiny. We may allow ouselves to get our feelings hurt, and go into fear, but that doesn't have to happen. Your soulmates are out there wandering around, looking for you, and you are wasting time and energy in a situation that does not serve you, or them. It doesn't have to be emotionally damaging to release someone from a relationship with you. Society and old beliefs would have us hating our exes, but this is not how it has to be. Everyone who touches our lives is a valuable part of our journey, and releasing them lovingly is important so that you can learn your lessons. Holding on to bitterness, hurt, or anger, just keeps you stuck, and connected to them. It's a toxic cycle.

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The other common form of settling is with your career. Ask yourself, "If I could do anything I wanted to, and be sure that I would succeed, what would that be?" If the answer is anything other than what you are doing, you are not pursuing your passion, or your life purpose. You probably have all kinds of justifications and excuses, like, "I am too old to start a new career." or "I can't make money doing what I want to do," but that is just fear talking. How many people have failed on their way to success? All of them. The difference is, they keep trying, until they succeed, instead of giving up because of a few failed attempts. So many of us have fear about this, and we unintentionally put this fear onto others. We tell ourselves that we are trying to "help" others, but what are we really doing? We are enabling them in their unhappiness, and encouraging them to settle for the "safe" choice. There are no limits except for the ones we set for ourselves. 

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What would the world look like if no one settled for anything less than what they truly wanted? I don't even know, but it has to be better than where we are. Depression and mental illness are at an all time high, as is unemployment, and divorce. All these things would start to disappear if we all trusted ourselves and were encouraged to pursue our passions from an early age. There are no dreams to big, or too small. 

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

— Henry David Thoreau

Releasing fear from the past

In the past week, I have had the privilege of working with some really great young people. I am always moved to tears when I hear about all the stress and fear they have, just in their everyday lives. We all have stress, but often we forget that our kids absorb this and often take it on as their own. Even the most well intentioned of parents can fall into this pattern. We are not born afraid; rather, it is taught to us. We are warned against touching a hot stove, crossing the street without looking, and many other lessons that are for our safety. It stands to reason that we would also look to our parents for guidance on other things. Unfortunately, our human emotions often blur the line between fact and perception, and we are then left to decipher this maze of fear without any reference point.

As parents, we experience many life changes and challenges. We try our best to shield our children from the worst of this, but they still take it on, energetically. Unless we have tools, there is not really any way to prevent this from happening. The energy of our fear is passed along to our children, and the cycle continues. If you had trauma in your life, say, when you were 10, studies have shown that when your children turn that age, you unconsciously relive that trauma. It's like looking in a mirror, and you may find yourself saying things to your child and not even realizing why. You may have little quips about how "people can't be trusted," or some offhand remark that you don't even remember saying. However, your young person absorbs it and files it away as "something to remember." Most of this is unconscious, and, as I tell all my clients, no one is "bad" or "wrong" for doing this. We just need to become aware of it so that we can start to heal it, and, in turn, help our children to heal.

My goal with the work that I am doing, is to help you bring all this into present time so that the whole family can release it and heal. I give you the tools to heal yourself so that you can really take charge of your consciousness and start to create the thing you want for you and your family. All your past traumas are just that: the PAST. Whatever lesson you learned from your experiences will always be a part of you, but the trauma itself can be released.

I am offering many discounts and specials to start off the school year, so email me if you are interested in a session for you or your young person. Remember, all my sessions are offered as a phone call, or Skype call. You do not have to be local to receive the benefits of an energy reading.

In Love and Light! Andrea

Say WHAT??????

In the book, "The Four Agreements," the author lists making assumptions as one of the things we do to defeat ourselves and others. For a long time, I thought this only applied to my personal revelations, but, recently, I have noticed an alarming trend: Assuming you know what others are going through. This morning, on my daily beach walk, I was humming along happily, when I heard a voice on my left. "Consistence and persistence is key! You have to just keep working at it!" I turned to see a little old man smiling up at me with yellowed and crooked teeth. I nodded, somewhat confused as to what he was trying to encourage me about. I thought that maybe he has seen me walking every day for the past year and wanted to give me a verbal high five for losing the weight and getting into shape. He continued, "I gained 30 pounds last year and decided to start walking every day, and lost it soon after! You will get there too!" A moment went by and I realized he was ASSUMING that I had just started my walking regimen and wanted to lose weight!!!!!! Wow.  I didn't hear much else that he said, as I was speechless and hurt. As he happily bopped away, he was probably thinking to himself, "I just helped that girl! I'm such a great person!"  Meanwhile, in my world, the tears are starting to form behind my eyes. Here I was going along thinking that I was doing so well, and now it all crashed down on me. But wait......... I took a breath and realized that this man, as well intentioned as he thought he was, did not matter ONE BIT in my opinion of myself. In fact, as I watched him hobble away, I took note of the fact that he was older than dirt, and probably grew up in the era where being thin was a woman's only goal in life. It's not HIS fault that society drilled that into our heads back then. He was honestly trying to be nice, and let me tell you:  I will TAKE THAT!!! What others may or may not think of me is ever changing, depending on the perception. Just yesterday I was approached by a total stranger and told how beautiful I am. What's the difference between today and yesterday? NOTHING. It's simply perception. And MY perception is all that truly matters.

There are always going to be people who think you are fat, unattractive, unsuccessful, or whatever your sore spot about yourself is. But in the end, YOU are the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror, and YOU are the only one who's opinion matters. If you are confident in your assets, no one can dissuade you from that perception.

Please do not assume that you know what others are going through. It's likely that you do not. If you feel the need to offer someone encouragement, or help, perhaps phrasing it in the form of a question can be more proactive. "How long have you been walking?" would have helped to avoid the situation this morning. Offering unsolicited advice and "help" is generally not something I do, simply because I find that most often, it is unwelcome and end up being offensive. So check yourself next time you feel the "need" to offer some poor soul your help. You have no idea what they are really going through, and making assumptions is likely to hurt them much more than you could imagine.

Are you Focusing TOO MUCH on the Positive?

I am hearing a lot about this concept, "focusing on the positive." In fact, it has become annoyingly overused and misunderstood. I had an ex who used to say this to get out of taking responsibilty for his various misdeeds. "Andrea, you are being negative. Focusing on what I did wrong is unhealthy for you." Never mind that "what he did wrong" was "cheating on me." Somehow, I was at fault because I was being negative? Twisted logic and twisted people have made this their mantra, and I am calling an end to it. Sometimes things ARE negative, and it's time we stop using our spiritual vocabulary to weasel out of our lessons. My ex is long gone, but I still hear people misusing this phrase all over the place.

The other day I saw an interesting quote (my apologies as I can not remember who said it, or I would give them proper credit!): "Focusing only on the positive causes you to miss a lot of things." I agree with this 100%. Sometimes we need to recognize when we have made a bad choice, and hurt other people. I guarantee you, if you don't, karma will hunt you down, there is no hiding. I used to be a very different person, 5 years ago. I made some really bad choices, and, as a result, people were hurt. I am STILL paying my karmic debt for this, and each time it comes up, it is easier and easier to really roll with it, and understand that I have to take responsibility for what I did, EVEN THOUGH I am different now. A mistake that hurts people still deserves an apology. Just because you "didn't mean to do it," or "it was an accident," or even "I was drunk," does not change the fact that you DID IT.

If you find yourself constantly having to apologize, perhaps it is time to start making different choices. I think this is inherent to the process of maturing. Some people may never grow up, and that is completely their problem. But, for those of you who are reading this and recognize that you would like to attract different energy into your life, be aware that you are NEVER a victim. What you reap is ALWAYS what you sow, whether it is immediate, or has delayed consequences. Think about it: When you are having a bad day, everything that happens, and everyone you run into, is in congruence with that energy. On the other hand, when you are having a good day, sending out smiles and happy energy, you are more likey to receive that back. Some days, I have to fake it, but I am extremely aware that when I can separate from that dissapointing news I received, or the barking dog next door, I can leave it behind me much more quickly than if I marinate in it, and let it fester in my mind. The more you become aware of what you are putting out there, the easier it will be to put out "good vibes," and become conscious of your own behavior. You CAN break the pattern!

Having said all that, it IS important to find a balance between being delusional, and sabotaging yourself. As with many theories and spiritual concepts, taking it the the extreme on either end is unhealthy, and ultimately, not going to get you what you really want. Changing thoughts and intentions from negative to positive is a good shift for most of us.

If you would like some assistance or need help with a specific issue, email me for your FREE consultation! Blessings to you on this beautiful day!

Are you being honest with yourself?

I recently heard a quote that sums it all up for me: "If everyone around you is an idiot, YOU are the idiot." I love this and, even though it is slightly on the negative side, it pulls no punches in letting you know to look in the mirror to solve your problems. I hear a lot of people talking about how "stupid" other people are, whether it be bad driving, work issues, or personal dramas. The amazing part about these people is that they have really convinced themselves that THEY are the only people on the planet who are smart, savvy, or <insert the opposite of your gripe about others>.

Think about the last time you were in a really good mood. Did you feel somewhat invincible? Did you find that other people's behavior did not bother you as much? Then think about the last really bad day you had. EVERYTHING bothered you, and you likely snapped at more than one person for, basically, existing. When you are happy, you exude happiness; therefore, you attract it. People respond to what you are projecting, and that is the best mirror in the world.

This morning, on my walk, I encountered many obstacles. At first, I was annoyed at the group of people who were blocking 3/4 of the path, or the lady who was on the phone and not watching her child, who skated into my ankle. But I realized that I could look at it from several different perspectives, and soon I was able to let it go and even make a joke out of it. They were "wrong" and "inconsiderate" but what was the point of me getting upset about that? They would not change their behavior, and I would waste a bunch of energy being mad, to no end. Instead, I focused on the positive things, and had a lovely exchange with a man walking 8 dogs, asking him "What is your maximum number of dogs to walk?" His reply, "I think this is it!" And we both laughed, wishing each other a great day. It's easy to focus on who is "right" (always ME!) and who is "wrong" (always those other idiots!), but obviously, that is not the path to happiness.

If you are truly being honest with yourself, you will see that YOU are the source of all your moods, and you are choosing what to focus on, whether it be happiness, anger, sadness, or confusion. Yes, we all have emotions, and it is important to honor them, but wallowing in negativity will get you nowhere FAST. Forcing your opinion of what is "right" on others, is not being honest with them. That's called "judging," and it's just another way to give away your happiness.

The road more (or less) traveled

Yes, this is going to be one of those "analogy blogs," and I make no apologies for it:) If you are a regular reader, you know I like analogies, and I especially enjoy spinning the old cliches into new twists. The old, "it's the journey that matters, not the destination," and, "life is a highway," are just a couple that immediately come to mind. I am sure you have heard both of those, perhaps to the point where you roll your eyes when you hear them. Often, cliches are where sound advice goes to die. They are good messages, but when they are used erroneously, they can actually be invalidating. It's a good way to avoid listening to your friend complain for the 100th time about her troubles, and an alternative to really challenging her to solve her problems, as opposed to staying in a cycle of discontent. Saying "life is a journey," and cutting her off, is much easier for you, but certainly not validating for her.

We are having record heat out here in Los Angeles, and yesterday my son and I decided to go to the beach, in an attempt to cool down. After the difficult task of finding parking, we started to make our way down to the water's edge. The sand felt like hot coals, and, even though we moved quickly, I ended up with blisters on my feet. However; the reward of the bracingly cool ocean water proved to be well worth it.

The same can be said for our life path. Often, it is painful and difficult, but we are aware that the reward is waiting for us, so we push onward. Sometimes, we go back to "cooler sands," but, in the end, the promise of fulfillment lures us out of our comfort zone, and we, again, brave the pain and the discomfort. It is human nature to avoid pain, for this is a survival mechanism, in it's most basic form. However; we must weigh the pros and cons of staying where we are, versus where we want to be, to make a decision from our higher consciousness.

If you are struggling with unhappiness, or confusion, let me help you gain some clarity! I am offering very special low pricing right now, to new clients. Send me an email at happiness@andreagarst.com to get started today!

Blog Vacation Week

I'm taking a break this week, but wanted to show you what I have been up to.  Hope you are all having a fantastic week!

Are you reaping what you have sown?

Chances are, in the past, you have done some things that you are not too proud of.  You may not want to admit it, but if you are human, you have made mistakes, and made choices which have hurt others, intentionally OR unintentionally. "Karma" has become a cliche, mostly in thanks to shows like "My Name is Earl," and the phraseology which has emerged.  You may have heard things like, "Karma's gonna get you," and "You are creating some bad karma!" I have tried to use it in a positive way, as I think you may be missing the point if you are wishing "bad karma" on someone else.  Are you not, by wishing harm to another person, creating some bad karma for yourself? My interpretation of karma is that you "reap what you sow." This particular phrase has been around long before yoga was trendy, and milk came from nuts and beans. Growing up, I heard it a lot, but I never truly knew the meaning until recently. Many of you know that I have a checkered (to say the least) past. I have struggled a lot to find my inner peace and spiritual center. From pain and adversity comes progress, and I am living proof of that! Anyway, as I was going through my party phase, I was not living consciously, and I made many bad decisions. Most of them were fairly innocuos, but a couple have come back to haunt me, and I have lost a dear friend due to one particularly fateful choice.  As I reflected on this, and heard her pain, I realized that this is my karma.  Even though I did not do what I did to harm her, or intentionally cause her pain, all these years later, she is as hurt as if it happened yesterday, and will never look at me the same way again. It is my karmic debt to her, and the price is steep.  I have to acknowledge that I used to be a different person, in order to fully embrace who I am NOW.

Next time you make a decision, think about where you are in your consciousness.  Are you aware and awake? Are you in fear? The energy that goes into your choices is the energy that will come back to you, eventually. Plant buds of love and kindness and you will soon reap the rewards.

Wishing you all the best KARMA in the universe! xoxo

Are you the egg, or the chicken?

*******I just got done with a fabulous visit from my parents, and that is why I am a few days late with this:) A very good friend and mentor of mine once told me, "Think of yourself like an egg.  You have all you need to grow inside you already." I have been noticing all the people around me who have been searching for the meaning of life, happiness, or whatever they think they need for fulfillment.  When you reach outside of yourself, you break your inner strength, in essence, you "crack" your shell, and then you have to start all over.  What information do you have inside yourself today?

I see this manifested in many ways, and, especially in the spiritual community, people are consantly seeking information from others.  In my work, I have done many readings in which the person wants an answer.  But, like I tell them, I don't have YOUR answers, and if you don't know, I can't reflect it back to you.  MY answers won't work for you.  A lot of us have other people's information telling us to do something a certain way. This ultimately ends up looking like "obligation," or "responsbility." We arrive at "resentment," and often have a "mid life crisis." When you don't really know what YOU want, no amount of workshops and seminars can tell you.  In order to truly find YOUR truth, you need to learn to go within.

Learning to listen to your inner voice requires ALONE time.  Most of us are so wrapped up in our distractions, and keeping "busy," that we do not even know what this feels like.  Many of us are uncomfortable with being alone with ourselves.  Practicing meditation or yoga, something that requires you to focus within, will help you to find that quiet place.  Although, you can certainly practice these things with others, and still not be quiet.  I used to go to yoga with a friend who wanted to talk through the whole class.  Filling the quiet spaces with chatter is simply allowing your fear to take over, and it will keep you going in circles.  As my meditation teacher explains, "Gossip and chatter is a really good way to keep from resolving your inner issues."

Wishing you all a wonderful day, and, as always, feel free to comment, share, and email me!

Are you "in bloom?"

You may have heard the expression, "Bloom where you are planted." I love this saying, especially on days when I am feeling discouraged at my perceived "lack of (fill in the blank)."  The word that stands out to me in that sentence is LACK.  Do you focus on what you don't have, or do you validate yourself for what you have done, and how far you have come? We are all evolving, whether we like it or not, whether we are conscious of the process, or not.  This morning, I saw a rose bush with dozens of new buds, and it struck me how all these buds will open at different times, some may not ever open fully, others will be picked, and still others will have their entire growth cycle on the bush. At the end of the rose's growth cycle, it is the most open it will ever be, and then it starts to wither away. The bush sees the same sunshine, the same water, and the same weather conditions, but each bud is different, even if only slightly.

The evolution of humans also follows this pattern, yet we are constantly trying to force ourselves to be like everyone else, follow the path someone else wants for us, and generally just denying ourselves the beauty that is our uniqueness. We beat ourselves up for "blooming" more slowly, or diferently, than how we think we "should." If we really just accepted ourselves for where we are now, and who we are now, we would free oursleves to blossom in ways we never imagined!

Free yourself to bloom!

5 things that hijack your happiness

When I ask someone if they are happy, they almost always say, "Yes!"  It has become automatic in our society. We all know that we are "supposed" to be happy, and have been taught that no one will want to be around us if we are sad, depressed, or angry. People even get defensive if you try to empathize with them.  There are several things that seem to get in the way of really being honest with yourself, and moving past that fear of having feelings that are uncomfortable. Until you really deal with those feelings, Happiness will elude you.

1.  Distractions:

In this author's opinion, distractions are the number one problem in society today.  I hear people talking about how "busy" they are, and this seems to give them some sense of self importance, and purpose.  Unfortunately, when you keep yourself so busy, you do not have time to really look inward, and thus you continue in a pattern that is likely not working for you. If you do not have time to get together with friends, or exercise, you are who I am talking about. You may not even "have time" to read this blog. Those who seem to be the most entrenched in distraction are the hardest to reach, and may never get out of it. Eventually, your body will not be able to keep up, and you will be forced to sit down, lie down, or simply slow down. When I first learned to meditate, being still was TORTURE for me.  I had to work my way up from 5 minutes, and now, after 5 years of practice, I can sit and be quiet for an undetermined amount of time. I used to be considered an extrovert, but now, I realize, I need a lot of alone time.  I still enjoy being social, but I do not have the same desire to always be the center of attention, and the life of the party. I prefer to observe, and appreciate the simple things in life.

Nature's simple beauty enthalls me!

2. Excuses:

I am sure you have some very good excuses for why you can not do the things that you really want to do. Most of us could write a book of them! There is never "a good time," you are always "too busy," and most of all, you "don't have the money." Some people even take it to the next level and start making excuses based on what they think the other person wants.  You can't follow up with that person because "They are probably too busy," or "It isn't a good time for them." Next time you hear yourself starting a sentence with "I can't do that because...." stop and ask yourself why you REALLY aren't doing it.  Why aren't you making the time?  Why are you constantly in a state of emergency so that you can not pursue the things that you really want to do? If you don't have the money, why not?  Are you spending your time and money on things that do not serve you?  Finding your truth in these situations will make your path clear.

3. Beliefs

A large amount of us are stuck in a belief system that is not even ours.  We are taught from birth to do things a certain way, and they become unconscious patterns, which create circumstances that become "who we are" and "our life." Our parents and caregivers are likely also unconscious of these patterns in themselves.  When a young child sees and hears a parent or caregiver exhibiting certain thought and behavior patterns, they absorb it and begin to take it on as their own.  This has been proven time and time again with studies and research in the most respected fields. What has not been widely examined is how deep these patterns go.  When my kids were little, I admonished them for yelling in the house.  When my oldest began to question me, I could not come up with an answer for "Why?" I realized that my parents had forbidden my brothers and I to yell in the house, and so I just absorbed that into my knowledge, and it became a "rule." If you find yourself saying things like, "I have always done it this way!" but you can't come up with a real reason, that is likely a belief that was instilled in you, and it may not be your truth.  This is another thing that can really block your flow of creativity and purpose.

red rose

4. Ego

If you are a regular reader of my blogs, you probably already know about this one.  One of the books that changed my views, and my life, is Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth." In it, he talks about how we allow our Ego to run our lives, and it is never in our best interest.  The Ego is that part of your consciousness that makes you feel like you need to defend yourself, and pass blame. It is formed when we are children, and we learn how to lie, and shift blame, so that we do not get "in trouble." It is a shame that most of adult society is rooted in this pattern, because it does not resolve anything; rather, it only passes the baton and relocates the issues.  If we could look past the Ego and face our faults and issues head on, we would move through them and really evolve as a society.  To live in your Ego is to constantly feel fearful, and it is almost impossible to create from this space.

5. Fear

It has been said that most people are more afraid of success than they are of failure. To succeed means you will have to change your routine, and it falls into the "fear of unknown" category. To fail means you stay where you are, in the familiar, even if you don't like it.  It is human nature to cling to the familiar, and our ancestors needed to do this in order to survive. Venturing into the unknown in ancient times would often lead to death, or at the very least, mortal danger. Fear is a healthy part of being human, when it comes to jumping off a cliff, or diving into dark waters.  However; it seems to really cripple us when it comes to making personal decisions in relationships, career, etc. This is a time for moving forward, out of old patterns, and we have to conquer our fears in order to do this.  When you find yourself having trouble making a decision, ask yourself if you are afraid. There is a great quote from the movie Point Break, "Hesitation is Fear." I stumbled across a great blog on this quote, if you want to read more.

Image by Colleen Patrick

Are you looking for a Cosmic Bailout?

A few years ago, when I watched The Secret, I was totally convinced that I could turn my life around by changing the way I think.  The Law of Attraction has attracted many followers, and, as with all big movements, there are those who misinterpret the message, and make a mockery of the truth that is present.  In an episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, the characters decide that they can each have what they want by "doing good deeds" and "gluing pictures of what we want on a poster board." The hilarious hijinks that ensue are a humorous take on how this message is misinterpreted.

The Law of Attraction is not about acquiring fancy cars and houses, in an attempt to fill your emptiness with material items. It is not about laying around the house and watching television, waiting for a leprechaun to drop a pot of gold on you.  It's about being positive and proactive in your choices, and focusing on creating the life you want, by changing your thought patterns from negative to positive.  It's about imagining yourself in a place of success, rather than in a state of fear and failure. "What you put out into the world is what you will get back." If you are constantly blaming others for your failures, then you will stay stuck in that energy.  If you can turn that around and figure out what YOU are doing to sabotage yourself, THAT is the key.  As I have said many times, it is NEVER about someone else.  No one can take away who you are inside, and no one can stop you from fulfilling your life's purpose.

You may find other people in your way, from time to time, but these are just lessons you need to learn.  Most of the lessons I have had to learn recently have been regarding boundaries. This word is another one that is misunderstood and overused, but for me, it jut means being clear with myself, and others, about who I am, and what I want.  It's not about being angry, or rude to others.  When you are truly setting loving boundaries, you have inner peace, and love for others.  You don't need to use anger to keep people out. When you project love and peace, you will attract it back to you.  The "angries" won't have any place to connect with you, and they will look elsewhere.

My younger years were full of anger and bitterness, and I am here to tell you, it is exhausting!  Yes, I do still get mad, and sometimes say things I wish I hadn't, for I am still human:)  But most of the time I am not angry for long, and I can let it go fairly easily.  Emotions are part of being human, and if you are denying any of yours, do not be fooled into thinking you can sustain that for long.  It will come out, one way or another.  If you can stay grounded and present, you can deal with anything that comes your way, and learn the lessons attached to those feelings and reactions.  I know it's a total cliche, but "everything happens for a reason," and the sooner you can trust that, the sooner you can stop resisting the flow of life, and really accept your destiny, fate, or whatever you want to call it.

Let go, and watch yourself grow!

Moving out of relationships

Whether you want to admit it, or not, our lives revolve around relationships.  Work, family, and friends, are the lifeblood of our society.  A relationship is defined by Wikipedia as:

"An interpersonal relationship is a strong, deep, or close association/acquaintance between two or more people that may range in duration from brief to enduring. This association may be based on inference, love, solidarity, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment. Interpersonal relationships are formed in the context of social, cultural and other influences. The context can vary from family or kinship relations, friendship, marriage, relations with associates, work, clubs, neighborhoods, and places of worship. They may be regulated by law, custom, or mutual agreement, and are the basis of social groups and society as a whole."

It has been said that we choose our family before we are born. Energetically, we choose the people to have in our lives, based on what we need to learn.  In "Many Lives, Many Masters," Dr. Brian Weiss talks about this, and how it relates to the entire cycle of our life, as well as how it factors into our subconscious, from past lives, if you embrace that school of thought. In the work I do at my Intuitive Learning Center, we learn how to recognize and release these patterns.  There are many variables when it comes to our choices.  Why do some people end up rich, and others, poor?  This is a result of choices, conscious or unconscious, and I have seen many people turn their lives around by simply becoming conscious of making the choices that will lead to what they really want to manifest in their lives.

When you find yourself in relationships that are the same, over and over, you need to ask yourself, "Who is the common denominator in this pattern?" YOU are the one who is attracting this, and it is up to YOU to change yourself, and your choices have to reflect that.  If you find yourself constantly being annoyed and angered by other people, ask yourself what you are not seeing.  It is not the other people, it is within you.  Some people have a hard time setting boundaries for themselves.  I have seen it time and time again, someone fails to set a boundary, and then, they are suddenly feeling "taken advantage of." If they had set the boundary and held it, no one would BE ABLE to take advantage of them.  There would be no drama or confusion.

In times when you really do need to move out of a relationship, it is simply because you have grown out of it.  It may manifest as the other person "doing something" to you, but there is no need to place blame or use anger to move out of the relationship.  No one is "wrong" or "bad" when the relationship no longer serves you.  Setting loving boundaries is a very easy way to move out of the energy of it, but acknowledging with gratitude, all that you have learned from the interaction.  If you find that most of your relationships end with a lot of drama and anger, you need to work on your boundaries.

Learn to have the best relationship you can with YOURSELF, and then you can really start to create relationships with others, that serves you, and them, in your highest good and purpose.

Living in your Truth

As I welcome spring this year, I am reminded of the fact that I am yes, another year older. With age comes a certain amount of wisdom that only living your life can bring. I am happy to report that I have suffered what I believe to be a sufficient amount this past year. Meaning, that I can now let a lot of things go, that I previously could not. I used to think it was "phony" - Holden Caulfield would be appalled - to be kind to those who I disliked. I now find myself giving others more compassion, and yes, kindness. There are those who I would not choose to spend time with, yet find myself in situations with them time and time again. My boys learn from me, and so I must tread softly when speaking of others with them. Recently, my sons learned of an impending grandparent's visit. As we discussed how we would entertain them, my youngest son, Sam, spoke up. "I don't like them!" to which I replied, "That's fine. But they are your grandparents, and they love you, and we need to be kind and gracious to them since they are flying out here to see us." We had a very interesting discussion where my teenager actually spoke some very wise words. "Sam", he said, "they are nice people, and even though we don't have much in common with them, they deserve to be treated with respect and love. They are only here for two days, and we can adjust our lives for that amount of time to include them." All I could do was nod in agreement. I was blown away by this 16 year old's wisdom. And just like that, I realized, we all have wisdom. No matter what your age, or station in life, you have experiences which guide you to make decisions and judgements.

Everyone deserves respect, and there is a fine line between allowing others to abuse you, and setting respectful boundaries. Refusing to engage with people on the abusive level naturally weeds out those who you do not need in your life. It is not being "mean" to politely decline a dinner invitation, or god forbid, a Facebook friend request. In the end, you are being genuine by graciously letting the other person know that you are not interested in their friendship. If we were all a little less scared of hurting feelings, and a little more confident in our OWN feelings, I truly believe the world would be a better place.

Happy Spring, 2011!!!!! Namaste.