The New Relationship Paradigm: Part One

****I have decided to write a series on this subject, as so many people have asked me about it and the lessons keep coming in. I am thrilled to be in a position to share what I have learned, in the hopes that I can help some of you who may be struggling with your own questions, wondering where your happiness has gone, and why. 

I find myself on the cusp of a new paradigm, and so profound is this paradigm that I feel compelled to share. For most of our lives, we have been taught that, in order to be a "good person," we must put others first, and always be kind and loving; "smile, even though your heart is breaking." We're told that no one wants to be around you if you are in pain. Yet somehow, I continue to see an alarming increase in unhappy people, and relationships based on insecurity, unhappiness, obligation, and fear. What are we doing wrong? What happened?

The world as we know it is constantly changing, for the energies coming in are shifting over time to create new spaces, eroding old ones. As we shift our energies, the old ways simply do not apply any longer. Some have asked, "But isn't it still good to be kind and loving?" The answer is still certainly yes...but it is not serving any of us to to force behaviors at the expense of our own happiness and fulfillment.

I have been on this journey for a few years, and I can tell you, in the beginning, I felt like I was the worst person on the planet; others told me that I was being "selfish" and "bitchy." I was so unhappy, and depressed, that I knew I had to change something or I might not make it at all. I isolated myself from most of the world, surrounded myself with those who I knew loved me unconditionally, and focused my energies into that reality. After some time, I had begun to notice that my contact with the outside world and mass public had become markedly easier. I was starting to meet my OWN needs, and so I looked less to others, and more within myself, for the joy and love that creates unending happiness.

As I was less afraid to interact with people I didn't know, I found myself attracting others who resonated with my mentality. I attended my local meditation school and learned how to reach within to generate love boundlessly. I ended up setting a goal for myself to do something nice for someone every day, and I began to WANT to seek out these opportunities. I found that the love inside me has the power to make me even MORE loving to others. This effect has strengthened exponentially as I have moved further into it. Setting boundaries and loving myself has actually created a space for me to share MORE love with others. Imagine that! 

My interpersonal relationships are now based on love, rather than fear. I love myself enough to avoid delving into insecurity, a generator of reality and action where I was so afraid to respond in any other way but how the other person wanted me to, for fear that they wouldn't like me otherwise. I now feel confident that the love I bring to my own life will cause the right people to connect with me, and those who are on a different path will continue on in their own ways. There is no judgement or animosity in that statement. I am focused on being in my truth, therefore I am attracting those who are focused similarly; together, we are individually loving to ourselves, and none of us feel "obligated" to heal the others, simply because we know they can do it themselves. 

In the new relationship paradigm, there is no obligation. Obligation is born of insecurity and the need for constant validation from the world outside of you. When I ask someone if they want to go on a hike with me, and they have other plans, I am just as happy to go on a hike alone, or do something else. I trust that my perceived disappointments are simply The Universe's way of redirecting me. Perhaps I need more time to harness a skill, or time to stay home and write.  I allow the energies that resonate with my being to come in unfettered, without a stifling need to control the flow; in other words, energy untouched by fear. This is true Freedom. 

Stay tuned readers, and I send you love and happiness on this beautiful day!