The Need to be Needed: A Painful Cycle

One of the messages that I have been receiving a lot lately, is that we have been participating in a massive societal agreement which has brought us much pain and unhappiness. This is the cycle of Codependency, the need to be needed. We reach out and “check on” each other, all in the name of “being a good person”, and “caring about others”; in reality, this is simply a distraction from us caring about ourselves. We solve other people’s problems so we don’t have to look at ours. It is a failing agreement, since ultimately, you can never stay in denial for too long, no matter how much you try, because you are an evolutionary being, and you are instinctively trying to reach the surface, find your inner peace and love, nirvana.

One of the most destructive pieces of this pattern, is the absolute disempowerment of each other. When you text a friend, “I wanted to check on you”, you are actually communicating to them, unconsciously, that they are incapable, and inept, and they are not capable of dealing with their own lives. I like to encourage people, when you have the urge to try to “fix” someone else, go within, and ask how you could use that energy within your own healing cycle. Find the pain in YOU, and then use your energy to heal yourself. I feel, if we all did this a lot more, we could then come together in community and celebration, instead of anger and pain.

The other piece of this agreement that is so damaging, in the long run, is that you ultimately draw people to you who are in need of “fixing”, or, not feeling able to heal themselves, and one day you find yourself the only one standing, all your companions depend heavily on you, and you have no one left to lean on. It’s depressing and exhausting, so then you trot off to the pharmacy, or lean into another addiction, and you become apathetic, resolute to your fate of “always having to take care of everyone”, and you feel like a martyr, even though you created the whole thing, so you can be needed. See how that cycle happens?

In my private sessions, many clients are working on releasing old shame and pain, and so this cycle comes up a lot for updating and closing up agreements. As more of us do this type of work, the energies will shift. We can all feel joyful and abundant, if we only believe that we can. It’s all about tricking yourself into believing something for JUST long enough that it starts to happen. It’s a vibration, a frequency, that you only need tune into.

Many Blessings to you all today! I love you!

A snowy sunrise is such serene beauty