Growing INTO Myself: The Journey of a Thousand Pounds

This morning, I said Goodbye to my favorite shirt. It was a bittersweet moment, the moment in which I stepped in front of the mirror and saw that it was hanging off me. Over the past few years, I have lost about half my body mass; I have no idea how many pounds, or even inches, or sizes, I have shifted. Releasing the weight was simply an energetic shift which took me out of shame and into Acceptance and Joy; for my body, my self, and the energetic being of light that I am. This has been a journey of a lifetime, as I have always struggled with my relationship to gravity, aka how much I weigh. In my 19th year, I was severely anorexic and tried to commit suicide. At the hospital, I weighed in at 97 pounds, and it was required that I see a therapist to leave. This was a wonderful intervention of Spirit to assist me in a lot of emotional healing that was needed. Read more about my suicide experience HERE.

As I healed, and gained back some weight, I was challenged at the feeling of being full, and how that felt uncomfortable to me. It was another long journey onto the other side of the pendulum, and I became overweight, after a heartbreaking 4 miscarriages and finally having a healthy son. I lost the weight again, by going to the gym, “controlling” my eating, and running that program of “work hard, play hard”, or whatever that was at the time. As my divorce was finalized, I was finally back in my regular sized clothing and I needed validation for my looks; then came phase two of “the party years”. I received lots of great validation, and then I became restless and unfulfilled; again. I found a wonderful meditation school , and this was to be the best thing that has happened to me. Over the past 15 years, I have studied meditation, healing modalities far and wide, and developed a private practice where I teach others to use these tools to heal themselves. It is a rewarding and humbling experience, to watch these brave souls reach into their own darkness, and shine the light on the “old box of stuff” in the basement of the psyche. Observing and assisting others on their journey has inspired me so much, and I am grateful to each and every one of my clients.

After my relationship with my “life partner” ended very badly in 2019, I decided to take a year off dating and intimate relationships of any kind, including online, and started focusing on relating to men without using my sexuality; an unconscious pattern I had run for most of my adult life. At first, it was depressing, as most of the men around me disappeared. However, as I persisted and was consistent with my goal, I started attracting different types of masculine energies. I focused on loving myself more, and every time I felt lonely, or that I was “needing” something from a man, I gave it to myself. Before long, I was waking up feeling happy, no matter what was “going on”. I focused on gratitude and my abundance began to come in, as well.

The food and weight thing came as a surprise to me. Even before my partner left, I had begun to eat more raw foods, and a plant based diet. My body gave me clear signals that I was to give up a lot of my old favorites, including sugar, and coffee. I realized that I had a food addiction, and began to see food with a different filter, as life, or an energy giving substance, and after another year, I am now down to one or two small meals per day, with fresh juices and teas throughout the day. I only eat during daylight hours, and begin each day with a sunrise cup of raw cacao, and meditation. I have an active yoga practice and walk or hike as the weather allows. Walking barefoot on the Earth is a large component of resetting my nervous system, and I practice this daily, as well. I have a few close relationships, but I spend much of my time alone, in meditation, or working on my various projects and passions.

Saying goodbye to my old clothing is profoundly symbolic to me, on many levels, as you can see. As I shed my layers of energetic protection, and lean into the light, and feel comfortable in my own vibration/skin, I allow IN the frequencies which I was born to connect with, and find that they have been waiting for me just outside my limited bubble of programs and beliefs, which I felt was “my life”, for so long.

You have the power within you, every single one of you, to shift into a new dimension, if you choose. But with the understanding that: True Change Requires You to Let Go of Everything and Everyone who Is important to you. Release Attachment and allow the flow to guide you.

Wishing you all a very blessed and beautiful day! I love you!

Earthing is a regular part of my lifestyle