Most of us have certain beliefs about our lives, and we call them our "realities." What we often fail to understand, though, is that these are simply a manifestation of our self talk. For example, when you say things like, "When men are angry, they can't control themselves," we are not stating the "truth"; rather, we are sending out an intention to the universe that will be manifested by all the men we encounter in the future. 

I recently undertook a huge life change, to be with the man I love. I moved across the country and needed a place to stay. After lengthy conversations with a good friend, who I have known for 28 years, it was decided that my son and I would stay with he and his wife for a period of time, until we could find a more permanent place to live. I also asked him if it was all right for my son to stay with him while I had an extended weekend with my boyfriend, and he agreed. My son was excited, and I was under the impression that my friend was, also. After a couple of days, I received a text message from my friend, saying, "We need to talk....and by that I mean you need to listen!" Concerned, I immediately called him, and for the next 30 minutes, listened to him list all the horrible things I had done, and how difficult my son was to deal with. After several attempts to reconcile what he thought happened with what I thought happened, I realized that he really just needed to be mad at me, for whatever reason, and it wasn't really about me. My truth didn't match his truth, and nothing I said or did was going to reverse what he thought. After we hung up, I realized that it was the same energy as my family, and how, no matter what I said or did, I was always going to be wrong, in their eyes. Any attempt on my end to defend myself was going to result in them just invalidating me and telling me I was a liar. They cannot accept responsibility because it is too painful. 

When people "do things to you," there are always three sides to the story: yours, theirs, and what really happened. If your perception is different than theirs, it's an argument, and can easily escalate into a full blown debate. Sometimes, as in my friend's case, they just need to feel like they are justified in hating you, because that is what they need to feel better about themselves. I admit, I was shocked, but after I had time to clear my space, I realized that actually, I had created this, because of my own version of "reality." In my world, growing up, I was always the "troublemaker" and the "problem child." I accepted this role because I was a child and had no power. It was 5 against 1 and I was a little girl. Today, I am a strong, capable woman, who has a voice, personal power, and the ability to create amazing things for myself, and that is just what I intend to do. 

It is a fine line between speaking up for yourself, and allowing people to spin in circles without becoming involved. In my case, I tried to resolve the issue with my friend initially, but it soon became clear that he did not want to resolve it; rather, he wanted to be angry with me and blame me for everything that is wrong with his life. Nothing he was saying was resonating with my own truth, but he is entitled to his opinion and feelings. When he was done, I told him that I heard him, and I understood. And I totally do. However; our friendship is over, and I accept that there was nothing I could do to change that. He was already on a trajectory of destruction, and who am I to stand in the way of that? I am creating a new reality for myself and my sons, one in which men/people are kind and loving, and mentally stable. The reality that has been my belief for so long, is clearing, and the skies are sunny and clear from hereon out. I wake up every day, grateful for the man who is now by my side, and the friends who are loving and kind, while also maintaining healthy boundaries. It's a beautiful day!